A forum for Healers and Seekers
Ask yourself a question? How is your relationship with your mother?
Your relationship with others in general is greatly influenced by your relationship with your mother.
If you feel misunderstood by your mother, there are chances that several others in the world are failing to understand you.
If you felt neglected by your mother, there are chances that several others are neglecting you.
I you felt criticised by your mother, may be there are many who are doing the same to you...
In order to enhance and improve your equation with all in the world around you, you need to examine your equation with your mother... Even if your mother is no more in her physical body, her strong influence will continue to rule your life.
It is important that you make peace with her as soon as possible. Close your eyes and think of your mother and examine what feelings you tend to generate in your space. If there is any discomfort anywhere, it is time to address them now.
Here are some of the commonest issues people talk about. Do you relate to them? If yes, please address these issues.
Remember you may not be able to change your mother. But for sure you will be able to change your response towards her.
I perceive rejection from her
All siblings share a different relationship with their moms and that depends largely on your perception. There is a huge difference between perception and reality. If you give your relationship with your mom the benefit of doubt, maybe you can bring about a great change in your life.
Metaphysically certain souls choose a womb of an unprepared mother to go through an early experience of rejection / abandonment. If you notice, there are several charismatic personalities in history who have experienced early childhood abandonment and rejection... They had to go through these pre-planned adversities to bring out the best within.
What was your special reason for feeling abandoned or rejected by your mother? Once you will understand that, you will be able to forgive your mother completely and also have gratitude towards her for agreeing to play such an important role in your life plan.
Do not wait for your mother to accept you... Start accepting yourself and all aspects of self, unconditionally and lovingly... and witness the magic in the relationship.
Soul's Temple Affirmation:
The experience of rejection by my mother is my Soul's Temple
My need to experience rejection by my mother is my Soul's Temple
My resistance to let go the experience of rejection by my mother is my Soul's Temple.
Check your response towards your Mom since you believe that you are the disliked one. Find out how you respond. Is your response endorsing your pre-existing belief? This belief sets in early in childhood after experiencing seemingly bizarre negligence on the part of your mom, but once the perception turns into belief your response to that belief perpetuates further dislike. Be sure you are not in this loop. Check out whether you can break this loop or not.
It is important for adult in you loves and accepts the 'self'
Give yourself what you expect from the world.
Bring your attention to that part of your personality which felt rejected by you.
My self-rejection is my Soul's Temple
My need to reject a part of me is my Sol's Temple
Resistance to total acceptance of every aspects of my personality is my Soul's Temple.
Hatred - I Hate My Mother
It is easier to hate than love someone as love exposes you to the risk of let downs and further hurts and that’s why you choose to hate. So, aren’t you hating yourself by hating her anyway?
Are you hating her because of your own reason, or are you hating her because she or others in the family would like this way?
Are you scared of imbibing certain qualities she has? Do you think, by accepting her fully, you might inadvertently be like her in some manner?
If you do not like a certain aspect of you mother, for sure you are present to the traces of similar aspect which you deeply dislike in your. The day you will accept all that is in you, you will be able to accept all that is in her too. Your dislike or hatred for her mirrors your level of self love and self acceptance.
Are you scared of her? Deal with your own fears and insecurities and deeper reasons to remain insecure and afraid.
Read more on Hatred
My Hatred for my mother is my Soul's Temple
My need to hate my mother is my Soul's Temple
My resistance to let go of my Hatred is my Soul's Temple
Hatred is a defence which helps you distance yourself from her. Have a courage to love that aspect of your personality which is mirrored by her and ruffled by her.
Comparison / Competition by the mother
You felt you were compared as a child. Probably that has left you with a feeling of not being unconditionally accepted. But it’s never too late. Maybe she did it to help you have a role model to follow.
There was a desire to stimulate you to perform better by using others as a benchmark. Of course the child in you would yearn to be accepted as an individual and unique personality. What we do not realize that the mother knew you are unique and not like others and that was the very reason she felt like comparing, and subtly expected you to be like others or better than others based on her perception, understanding and personal growth level at that time. Now you are an adult and matured. You can very well take charge of life. Are you willing to stand up for yourself and assert your uniqueness. The day you are fine with the unique personality and virtues you have, the world and even mother will have no desire to compare you.
We believe that the competition is the only way for the growth and never thought of any other way to grow but by and through competition. Why blame mother for the soul's need for competition and competitive spirit?
Several revered personalities in the world have managed to shine because they adored their unique personality and unique idea and stood by what they believed and dreamt of. Their actions and mission did not involve proving any thing to any one. They remained aligned to the resource energy and derived their inspiration to fulfill their mission in life.
If growth and excellence is the expected end result at the end of this stint of comparisons and perceived sense of competition, might as well embrace the growth to bypass what is unpleasant.
Soul's Temple Affirmations:
Me experience of being compared with others is my Soul's Temple
My need to be compared with others is my Soul's Temple
My resistance to be compared with others is my Soul's Temple
My perception of the competition is my Soul's Temple
My need to compete is my Soul's Temple
My resistance to let go of this competition is my Soul's Temple
My lack of recognition and acceptance of my unique essence is my Soul's Temple
My need to ignore my unique essence is my Soul's Temple
My Resistance to recognize and embrace my uniqueness is my Soul's Temple.
Try writing the following positive affirmation 21 times/day for a period of 3 months and experience a remarkable difference.
I get Irritated with Mom
Mom triggers old bitter memories that irritate you by her behaviour. The frustration is because she does not understand and modify her behaviour to suit yours. At times, it could be possible that you are subconsciously copying some authority figure in your surrounding who is getting irritated with your mom.
If you probe deeper in your subconscious mind, you may realize that you are getting irritated by her behaviour and comments which triggers some thing unpleasant in you. e.g. when she asks for money, an inner child who have witnessed her helplessness with the lack of money in the past and felt guilty for not being able to support her and keep her happy could get triggered. Interestingly by getting irritated with her, you inadvertently behave in a similar manner some of the relatives behaved towards your mom when she asked for money.
So irritation could be a defence to mask your deepest unacceptable guilt and regret.
However solution to the complex problems are very simple.
Soul's Temple affirmation for the irritation towards your mother.
My irritation towards my mother is my Soul's Temple
My need to feel irritated with her is my Soul's Temple
My resistance to be at peace with her is my Soul's Temple
Her Attitude - Mom is Unfair / Unequal in Her Behavior
It's possible that you perceived your mother's behaviour as an unfair one on several occasions. With every passing incidence of sense of unfairness, your belief that she is being unfair became stronger and stronger.
Now is the time to break this pattern and take charge of life rather than feeling like a victim.
Change the way you think:
If you say that your mother is unfair, you give her no scope to change ever. Rather say some of her behaviour was unfair.
After a while, in your mind's conversation with yourself, change the statement to
I perceived her behaviour as an unfair one. (this will help you take charge of life)
And later enhance your internal dialogue to
I could attract more fair behaviour than what it was. (This opens up the possibility of further shift)
Check if that is the same feeling you have from the world too? If that is the case, who is responsible for manifesting unfair practices in your universe? Step out of this “poor me” reference frame and view the world with new glasses.
Read More unfairness
Soul's Temple Affirmations:
My perception/experience of unfairness from my mother is my Soul's Temple
My need to perceive/experience of unfairness from my mother is my Soul's Temple
My resistance to let go of the effects of perception/experience of unfairness is my Soul's Temple
Take help of the self-help guide to explore the deeper layers which might emerge when you deal with the issue of unfairness. As the experience of unfairness could be like an apple on the tree, for a long term and deeper work for your personal and spiritual growth, you need to probe deeper and trace the trunk and the roots.
Your mother made you feel useless probably because she didn’t know a better way to get the best out of you and hence left you with that feeling. You might have succumbed to the belief or it is possible that you have worked hard to over compensate the feeling of being useless. It’s high time you stop playing the game of proving anything to anyone.
Being useless, runs the risk of rejection and abandonment. As you see people who are useful, are more powerful and are valued more. When you feel useless, your self-esteem and self confidence takes a big hit and several times you are being treated in derogatory manner. Compromised self-esteem from the child hood trauma of being proven as a useless one could inhibit you from being effective performer and rule your life.
Soul's Temple Affirmations:
My useless feeling is my Soul's Temple
My need to feel useless is my Soul's Temple
My resistance to let go of my useless feeling is my Soul's Temple
My desire to please my mother by being useful is my Soul's Temple
My need to please my mother by being useful to my Soul's Temple
My resistance to let go of my desire to please my mother by being useful is my Soul's Temple
Finally: Know that the universe does not support any thing or any one which is useless. If you are existing, you have a role to play and a special role to play and that's the fact. so cheer up and rejoice the experience called life.
You have a very special role to play in my own life.
I have a lot of anger against my mother.
What are you really angry for? Has she failed in safeguarding your interest in the past? Has she failed in nurturing the way you would like her to nurture in the past? Did you feel abandoned by her for a brief period of time in the past?
We have the greatest expectations from a woman called mother without realizing that probably she is also a woman, a human with her own shortcomings, incompletions and challenges.
Not necessary she was in command and charge all the time not necessarily she was capable of understanding your expectations at all points of time. Not necessarily she could safeguard your interest and stand up for you when you needed her the most.
But all that happened in the past. Probably she was benevolant enough to forgive you and accept you. May be she succumbed to her human reactions and could not come up to your expectations. Know that she is what she is and may be she will not change for ever.
It is up to you to decide what you want to do with your anger? Store it within? Project on her? Express in unfavorable manner? How long?
Who is hurting the most with your anger? Probably you have waited long enough for her to change but she has not yet changed.
Find out how is your anger defending you. Find out what is it that your anger defending you from? Ask yourself a question: What would happen if you drop your anger completely? What would happen if you expressed your love for her.
This requires a courageous confrontation and probably you will need a systematic approach unders supervision.
How about going for it?
How about consulting your online guide?
Meanwhile affirm the following:
My anger is my Soul's Temple
My need for anger is my Soul's Temple
My resistance to let go of my anger is my Soul's Temple
Think of your mother and imagine her to be right in front of you. Scan through your body and assess the anger on the scale of 0 to 10.
10 = severe anger
Now think of your mother and say You are my Soul's Temple
my need for your is my Soul's Temple
My resistance to accept you is my Soul's Temple
Be present to that part of personality or that factor which is generating so much of anger in you. This could be a part of your personality, this could be another human being, this could be an abstract form
Focus your attention on that factor and affirm:
You are my Soul's Temple
My need for you is my Soul's Temple
My resistance to let go of you is my Soul's Temple.
Relationships give us tremendous personal and spiritual insights as well as growth opportunities. It is not always easy to handle all kinds of relationships.
The greatest challenges are faced amongst primary relationships with mother, father, siblings, spouse and children. Consider Relationship Management Meditation by Aatmn (Dr. Neeta Yuvraj) to heal your relations with near and dear ones.