How to Address Anger Towards Others / Yourself
Why do I get Angry?
Anger results from various degrees of frustration over unmet expectations.
Other reasons behind anger outbursts are:
- Need for Defence: Anger remains a strong defence mechanism for many. Your tendency to anger outbursts help you in threatening others by warding off intrusive invasion of your private world. Most defence mechanism eventually prove counter-productive. Your Anger and temper tantrum could intimidate many, and invite aggressive behaviour towards you which will further anger you and the cycle could repeat.
- Social Endorsement: In certain cultures, anger is treated as a virtue and a positive attribute to the personality.
- Fear of Being taken for granted: Anger outbursts could make others obey you fearfully. This gives a sense of 'HIGH' and an upper-hand over certain individuals, specially the loved ones. Check with yourself, is this what you are looking out from your relationship? Would you like to people to be good to you because they genuinely love you or would you like people to be good to you out of sheer fear? What would be more fulfilling in a long run?
- Feeling of lack of control: Several times, there is a strong sense of helplessness due to perceived lack of control over 'self' and 'environment'. e.g. A car overtaking your vehicle in an unfair manner.. there is a little that you can do in a given circumstances, all you could do is take charge of your vehicle and make sure that you remain in control of your vehicle.
- Perception of being dominated: Several times, you may not be able to speak up-front to the authority figure. When the domination becomes over-whelming, the anger is either suppressed in tissues or it is directed in an unpleasant destructive manner. It may sabotage the interest of many individuals in the relationships. A lot of youngsters use self-sabotage to punish the parent/authority figure in a passive manner. This is also known as Passive Aggressive Behaviour
- Righteousness - Expecting others to comply to your expectations or beliefs: We seldom realise that we all humans have a free will to decide how they want to respond to life. Not every thing should/need to happen as per our beliefs and judgement. Address your righteousness about the expectations that you have from yourself and others.
- Suppressed Anger: Several times, you have swallowed anger generated in the past.. these emotions are stored in your systems like a heap under the carpet. Every time some one pokes you on the heaped collection of emotions, stored from the past experience, an uncontrollable explosion of anger takes you and others by surprise. De-clutter and de-congest past backlog so that you leave no susceptibility to others pressing your buttons.
- Inner Children: Every time you go through an anger bout in the past, due to a frustrating situation or helplessness generated by uncontrollable inevitable situation, a part of your personality tends to feel fragmented and remains loosely attached to your core being. They are often known as inner children. They often get triggered when they are subjected to similar circumstances time and again. They often create embarrassing situation and leaves you feeling ashamed of yourself or embarrassed about your responses. If you learn to systematically learn to handle all your inner children, you will be able to respond in a practical, pragmatic and pro-active manner to get your work done in your own special way to suit your needs.
- Need to take charge of your life: Till the time you blame others for what is happening to you, you will continue suffering. Because others may or may not comply to your needs and expectations. It is high time you start taking charge of your life. When you start taking charge of your life, you have lesser expectations and more acceptances. As a result there is a lesser need to control others and yourself
- Try Mood Managers to learn how to calm down immediately
- Try Soul Temple Group Healing Technique
- Get personal assistance from a personalised guide through 'Crystalline Mind Program'
- Suggested Self-Help Downloadable Audio Meditation: Emotional Detox, Aura Detox, Inner Child Meditation Anger Management Mediation.
I calmly evaluate the situation and respond appropriately.
Towards the Environmental Factors
I take charge of my life and respond in a constructive manner to my environmental inconsistencies.
Only whiners wait for the environment to change. If you do not like something in the environment, change it. If you cannot change it then learn to respond to it by taking charge of your life.
Things may not change to suit your requirement, introspect and decide on the line of action which is best for you.
Anger is a very powerful emotion. It stems from a feeling of helplessness and frustration. We all tend to experience this periodically when we seemingly lose control over the environment or environmental factors. We invite you to responding through calm mind, your responses would be much more productive and constructive in nature.